Hi Sam, so we have just passed the 18 month anniversary of your death. I can’t believe it’s been 18 months already. I had a few messages back and forth with your dad this week and hopefully I will be seeing them at Christmas which will be so nice. Your dad sent me a photo of where your ashes are and it was lovely to see Honey bear with you. I had to take Samantha to hospital last night after she got hit by a car ( it could have been a lot worse then it was) and fortunately it wasn't any worse. The thing is that it was a a Sunday again that I took her to hospital and again late a night which brought back all the traumatic memories of when I had to take you back to hospital. I still remember the last words you said to me on the way to hospital and ultimately the last words you ever said to me x

Hi Sam, been thinking about you more the last couple of days. I had a dream about you last night and you wanted to meet my new wife Samantha, we were in an airport and I suppose that’s because it’s one of the places I affiliate with you . It’s been such a unique 17 months since you died and and my life has evolved so much. I still think about my old life with you and our home in Witham that we built together and it can be upsetting so for my own sanity I try and think about the good things in my life now. I spoke to Elizabeth my step daughter yesterday about the last time I saw chico and how upset I was when I saw gill drive away with him. I got upset when I thought about that and even though he is happy now I still feel bad that the life he had with us ended so soon. I would love to see him again. Xx

Hi Sam, it’s been a couple of months since I last wrote you. Tomorrow is 16 months since I last sore you and that feels weird to say. Do me a favour and have a word with Lewis for me . He is really playing up at the Moment. Constantly barking, bin dipping worse than usual and breaking things. I am not sure what’s up with him. I am taking Samantha to pizza hut at Basildon today as we have a rare day off without the kids. It got me thinking of when we went to Pizza Hut in Colchester just after you got out of hospital and is till remember you making your way through the car park with your walking aid. I also remember how happy I was that we had another chance, at no Point did I think it would Last only another 5 weeks. I have been ill this week with a chest infection but I think I am getting over it now. I have also just finished some counselling as I’m still trying to get over yo ur death. I am doing much better now and have some really amazing and supportive people around me but I am still trying to get used to you not being here as it was just you and I for 14 years. We have just finished decorating the conservatory. It’s jungle themed and looks really cool. It seems I am the only one that comes here, well at least leaves you messages. Until next time B.