Hi Sam, so yesterday marked the 2nd anniversary of you going into hospital. Honestly I cannot believe it’s been 2 years. The memories are that day still affect me. You went to work like normal and 12 hours later you were in intensive care. When we drove to hospital I promised you we would tackle anything that would come our way together and it does bring me a little comfort that I was beside you all the way until you took your final breath just over 3 months later. You battled so hard in hospital and ultimately it was not to be. If only you looked after your self all those years rather than be the stubborn person we know you were then you might not have lost your life at 37 years old. X

Hi Sam, thinking about you a lot today. I had a difficult day at work. Glen, Guri and Carina were not in and I was on my own doing a lot of stuff. It was mentally exhausting and glen was nit picking on things which does not help. I think I reached my mental capacity and then I get down and start thinking off you. Thinking a lot about us on holiday today and I am so sad I won’t have the abroad holidays with you anymore. We had some amazing ones like in the Dominican and some not so good ones like in Rhodes. I loved you with all my heart and I still have days I’m in shock that you died. I had to go to the range (I’m sorry) to get some blue paint as not many places sell it and then take Stephen to get some new shoes. Lewis has been very clinging tonight but hopefully he just misses me. I am so proud of him. He has dealt with so much in the last two years but has been amazing and taken it all in his stride. I know you loved him so much and I know he loved you. Love Drew

Hi Sam, I went to see your Brother the weekend before last and it was really nice to see him. He has met somebody and is living with her in Colchester. Her name is Noemi and see seemed really nice. He is also going to be a dad very soon and will be having a little boy and they have decided to name is William. Ozzie seemed happy but Charlie tells me that, Ted, buster and Bertie are no longer with us. I assume they have joined you at Rainbow bridge and I know you will be looking after them like only you can. I can’t believe it’s been 20 months since you passed away and that time has gone so fast. I am in the process of decorating the outbuilding that will be converted into a bar. It’s going to be West Ham themed and I have almost completed painting the walls claret and blue. Lewis and Google are doing ok but the lump on googles leg seems to have gotten a bit bigger , i am going to keep and eye on it and see what happens. We booked our next two holidays today and will be going to Lincolnshire in April and Scotland in July. Love Drew

Hi Sam, I hope you’re ok where you are. I woke up Monday night with a complete fear of dread and could not stop thinking about your death. It’s been a difficult week and I also sobbed my eyes out on the way home yesterday from work. It’s so unfair on Samantha and I try not to burden her with my feelings as she deserves so much better so I deal with the grief of loosing you in my own head which can be so hard sometimes. Last week I popped to witham on the way home from Colchester and I parked outside Wetherspoons and the smell in the air of of familiarity and home. I love living in Corringham but do miss living In Witham as well as it was so peaceful up there. We never really got to experience the full effect of living there. We have Covid and then you me illness, we had barely anything really. Love Drew

Hi Sam, today is my 40th birthday and honestly I never thought I would not spend it with you. My last birthday (38) we had together we had gone to Pizza Hut in Colchester the weekend before and weatherspoons on the Monday. I had a pizza and if memory serves me right I don’t think you had anything. Just 2 months later you would be in hospital in a coma and I would never had believe you would then die. I spoke to you New Year’s Eve and did end up in a few tears. I do get upset when I think about you and I think that’s down to the memory of you Dying. I got loads of lovely presents today from my family and Samantha had truly spoilt me. We are going out soon to the country club and then to the chip shop. Love Drew

Hi Sam, I write this as we spend our 2nd Christmas apart and it’s been harder then last year. Myles gave me a Terry's chocolate orange this morning and I just lost it. I went into the kitchen and cried. It hit me like a tonne of bullets as you gave me one very year. I still think about you almost everyday and Christmas is a time that is most difficult for me as we had lots of good ones together. It’s so sad that that 2022 was our last one together and I remember us going to pro cook to get your sisters cake stand from freeport and that is the last Christmas memory I have of us at Christmas but I also have so many lovely ones of Christmas gone by. Lots of love Drew

I went Christmas shopping today and to be honest it was not an easy day. I put on a brave face for Samantha and the kids as they done deserve to see me down. I went to find Samantha some Christmas presents and it was not an easy task to be honest. All I saw was stuff that you would have liked. Lots of dogs and panda stuff. I had to go into the toilet to have a little cry. This is the 2nd Christmas without you but it’s been harder than last year . I suppose last year I did most of my shopping online and this year just brought back all those Christmas we spent together.

Hi Sam, so we have just passed the 18 month anniversary of your death. I can’t believe it’s been 18 months already. I had a few messages back and forth with your dad this week and hopefully I will be seeing them at Christmas which will be so nice. Your dad sent me a photo of where your ashes are and it was lovely to see Honey bear with you. I had to take Samantha to hospital last night after she got hit by a car ( it could have been a lot worse then it was) and fortunately it wasn't any worse. The thing is that it was a a Sunday again that I took her to hospital and again late a night which brought back all the traumatic memories of when I had to take you back to hospital. I still remember the last words you said to me on the way to hospital and ultimately the last words you ever said to me x

Hi Sam, been thinking about you more the last couple of days. I had a dream about you last night and you wanted to meet my new wife Samantha, we were in an airport and I suppose that’s because it’s one of the places I affiliate with you . It’s been such a unique 17 months since you died and and my life has evolved so much. I still think about my old life with you and our home in Witham that we built together and it can be upsetting so for my own sanity I try and think about the good things in my life now. I spoke to Elizabeth my step daughter yesterday about the last time I saw chico and how upset I was when I saw gill drive away with him. I got upset when I thought about that and even though he is happy now I still feel bad that the life he had with us ended so soon. I would love to see him again. Xx

Hi Sam, it’s been a couple of months since I last wrote you. Tomorrow is 16 months since I last sore you and that feels weird to say. Do me a favour and have a word with Lewis for me . He is really playing up at the Moment. Constantly barking, bin dipping worse than usual and breaking things. I am not sure what’s up with him. I am taking Samantha to pizza hut at Basildon today as we have a rare day off without the kids. It got me thinking of when we went to Pizza Hut in Colchester just after you got out of hospital and is till remember you making your way through the car park with your walking aid. I also remember how happy I was that we had another chance, at no Point did I think it would Last only another 5 weeks. I have been ill this week with a chest infection but I think I am getting over it now. I have also just finished some counselling as I’m still trying to get over yo ur death. I am doing much better now and have some really amazing and supportive people around me but I am still trying to get used to you not being here as it was just you and I for 14 years. We have just finished decorating the conservatory. It’s jungle themed and looks really cool. It seems I am the only one that comes here, well at least leaves you messages. Until next time B.

Sorry I haven’t wrote to you for a while, it’s been super busy at home as we have been re-decorating the down stairs toilet and the upstairs bathroom. We had a major leak in the conservatory when a pipe started leaking and had to pull up the laminate floor. My dad came over to help. It got me thinking of the time when our back garden flooded and my dad came over and helped clear it. We have a photo you took of me my dad and Lewis all trying to sort it. Speaking of the Basildon house, I took some rubbish and put it in the bins at vange and walked passed our old house. I could not believe that have ripped out the kitchen that was only installed 5 years ago. Anyway on other news Google seems to be getting younger, she seems so happy now even though she still steals food from the kids. Lewis is amazing around them and is so Gentle, though he still barks excessively and as you know that bark goes through you. I’m off on holiday again tomorrow this time just outside Norwich and am really looking forward to it. Xx

Hi Sam, has a feeling that I needed to write to you today. Yesterday was 15 years to the day that I asked you to marry me so got me thinking of memories of that time. We had loads of fun back then and those memories are the saddest. We stopped having fun mainly when we moved to witham and I have been asking myself why? I am a different person now and I also not if you know what I mean. I feel like I did all those years ago but also more assured of myself these days. I am still coming to terms with your death and some days are easier than others. I feel so lucky to have amazing people around me on a daily basis that have helped me and are still helping me find myself again and understand the emotions that I have to deal with surrounding your death and the battles that commenced afterwards.

Well there is only one place to start and that’s Happy Heavenly 39th Birthday . Wow that’s so weird writing that. Today we would either have gone away on holiday or you would be opening your presents from me (yes there would have been Radley) we both know that. It’s also 15 years to the day we first met and I still remember first seeing you walking into weatherspoons in Braintree . It’s also important to remember that is also the 1st anniversary of your funeral. I cried all the way though that and honestly was the 2nd worse day of my life after the day you died. I still can’t believe it’s been over a year since I last saw you. I still miss you and think about you everyday. The feelings are not so sad anymore as they once were. Lewis and Google are still fine and I think we have decided not to adopt another dog at the moment. Xx

Tomorrow I set off to Gran Canaria with Dan. He has made it all so easy by doing all the check-in etc which was so nice of him. He has also paid for the VIP Lounge which is lovely and something I have never done before. It’s slightly surreal as this is the 1st time as an adult that I have been away with somebody other than you but I’m so lucky to have my brother to go with. I keep thinking of all the nice times we had on holiday especially when you got drunk Xx in Ibiza (yes you did 😂) and you danced with those older ladies . I still can’t believe that was our last time abroad and was 5 years ago. I dropped Honey Bear to your parents 2 weekend ago so he could be with you. I still think about Pat and Shelly and do miss them but I know they are looking after your ashes.

This is a strange period of remembrance, between your death and your funeral. I was looking back at purchase orders today and it was so strange seeing orders you had done. The 13th Jan 2021 was your last entry. I still think of you everyday but the feelings are not so sad as they once were and I haven’t cried since 20th April 2024. It’s still weird knowing that I won’t see you ever again and we will never had another conversation. I am going to Gran Canaria in 10 days with my brother and will be away for your birthday and the day of your funeral. We spent 4 years away on your birthday before Covid hit. What’s weird is that I am going to Porto Rico which is where John was and kept trying to flog his bloody awful sea salted crisps 😂😂😂😂. I have so many good memories of us on holiday together abroad and that is something we weren’t able to do for the last 4 years we spent together. Xx

Yesterday was the 1st anniversary of your death and it was a really difficult day to be honest. I still can’t believe that you have been gone a whole year. It still feels strange that you are not on the earth anymore. I really hope you are at rainbow bridge attending to all your dogs and probably hundreds of strays that you found. More than anything I hope you are no longer in pain and you have finally found the peace that deserted you all your life. My life is so different now and I am different as a person and your death defiantly contributed to that change. Lewis and Google continue to thrive and they seem really happy. Lewis had quackers the duck but with Lewis being Lewis he disabled it 😂😂😂😂😂

A year ago today was your last day at home before we had to rush you back into hospital. Ironically I am going to the Spire Hopsital today to carry out a survey which is a little ironic. Samantha and I are thinking about adopting a new dog togeather and we are waiting to see what is happening to Esme before we make a choice as I would love to give her a home. I can’t believe that we are only 2 days away from the anniversary of your death. I have been all out of sorts this week. Xx

I had a dream about you last night. Only my 3rd since you died. You were in the bath but the bath at my and Samantha’s new house in Corringham and you were washing your hair and taking to me but you seemed so happy and care free. You then came into the kitchen but the kitchen we had when we lived in benfleet and I made you so chips and cheese with curry which you said you liked 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

I want and dropped Samantha’s mum off at Stansted airport as she is visiting her son Chris in Ireland this morning which got me thinking of the trip we planned before covid. On the way back I stopped in Witham (yes I went to weather spoons) 😂😂😂😂. I went and sore the old house and they still have Chico’s paddling pool on the shed roof which I thought was a little funny. They have taken down the bamboo blinds from your room and the utility room but kept the ones in the bedroom and living room. They have put a ring door bell in exactly the same place we did.

Just wanted to post a memory. It was 9 years ago today that we flew out to Sri Lanka on our honeymoon. That was an exhausting trip but we had a great time. Do you remember the cows on the beach?. The look we gave each other said it all 😂😂😂😂. I still remember how ill I got when getting food poison and when the hotel staff came up to our room and asked us why we had gone down for dinner. 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

Today marks a year since the hospital told you your organs were getting better (how wrong they were) I remember as you had your first fall and I had to rush home from work. I see the 26th May 2023 as the beginning of the end of your life and it’s a date that will stick in my mind for a while. It’s also the same week that you first noticed esme was up for adoption. I actually spoke to gill about her this week and she finally has a home (3rd time lucky for her I hope). Lewis and Google are still doing well and they love their new garden. You should see it buni it looks amazing. Anyway the next time I will leave a message for you will be 11th June and then the 13th June which will make the anniversary of you death. Rip xxx

So Buni, tomorrow would have marked exactly one year when you were discharged from hospital. This means the anniversary of your death is only 6 weeks away. I was remembering last night when you messaged me and said you were going to sue the nhs because they have you ibs tablets. You were upset at the time but now it’s a memory I will always have. On happier news I am going on my honeymoon tomorrow and am really looking forward to it. Being with Samantha just makes me so happy and has completely re-energised my life. We are off to Carneth in wales so will be loads of fun xxx

So on Saturday I got married again and some people may think that I moved on too quickly and forgot about you. That is most certainly not the case. Your death almost destroyed me and it is the hardest thing I had ever gone through. I wasent planning on meeting somebody so soon but I then met Samantha and fell in love with her and one thing your death taught me was not to let opportunities go by. She has been amazing and loves me as much as I love her. You will never be out of my thoughts buni but my life has moved on. Thankyou for coming by Saturday and communicating through the medium xxx

Happy 10th heavenly wedding anniversary Sam. My thoughts are with you today. Lewis and Google would send their love if they could as well. Xx

Tomorrow would have been our 10th anniversary. This time last year we went on our picnic in broomfield hospital when you finally got out of the ward for the first time. You would never have thought that only 8 weeks later you would no longer be with us

Hi Huni, I can’t explain how heartbroken I have been since you were taken away from me. I miss and love you so much and am not sure how I’m am going to get over this. I promise that you will live on in my memory and the memory of your family and friends. I also promise to look after Lewis and Google as you would have wanted me to do. X

Hi Huni, I can’t explain how heartbroken I have been since you were taken away from me. I miss and love you so much and am not sure how I’m am going to get over this. I promise that you will live on in my memory and the memory of your family and friends. I also promise to look after Lewis and Google as you would have wanted me to do. X